Our Birthday!

Well, today is my Grandma's Birthday, as well as mine. I had previously written something short and sweet, but thought I should pay my respects more so to my Grandma. This is the first year in my entire life that I have not been able to celebrate my birthday with my Grandma. This picture is actually from last year's birthday so it's a little dated. I really miss my Grandma, but she has been gone for quite some time now. She has had dementia for the past few years and doesn't really communicate or seem to notice much anymore. I am forever greatful for the times that we've shared. I will always hold them close to my heart.

My Grandma was a special woman who loved/loves her family very much, despite all of our imperfections. She wasn't perfect and I appreciate her for not being. I have learned a lot from her struggles with memory loss as well as other things. Today is her special day and I am sorry that I can't be there for her, but I know that she would rather me hold on to the memories of her when she was herself, not the way she is now. I am thankful to the good Lord that I have been blessed by all of my grandparents. And I am also thankful for the lessons I've learned from all of them, you know things to cherish, things that aren't so significant. Though my little Grandma doesn't realize anymore that I'm her favorite (yes, I gave myself that title), I know she loves me, I can still hold dear our times that we've shared. From dreams for each other; I always tried to get her to marry Pat Morita, and she always wanted me to move to Japan and study, to some cherished conversations just the two of us. I'll never forget her getting electricuted and me telling her to do it again, since it was SO funny (she didn't think it was funny). Listening to her talk Japanese and always trying to figure out what she was talking about. Watching Japanese movies while she played with my hair to put me to sleep. I will cherish those memories and hold onto them, since that person is no longer with us in spirit. I am comforted in the fact that she loved Jesus and will be with Him whenever this trial is over. I am thankful for the past 30 birthdays before this one when I got to be with her. I love you Grandma and I miss you terribly, but I am thankful for all the time we've had together, and I know you're not gone completely, but I also know that you don't remember me much anymore, and I am sorry for that. But I am forever greatful for the times we had and the love you shared with me. This has help me put a lot of things into perspective in my own life, to cherish my kids, my husband, the rest of my family, because you never know when it will be over, or when you won't be able to remember anymore. I love you Grandma, and Happy Birthday to you. I miss you.

Things are finally starting to settle...

I hate that I haven't blogged in so long, it's such a good release, but life has been crazy! And honestly every time I'd come to start a blog I would get sad, since my last blog was that of us in the beginning stages of adoption. Well, it looks as though the good Lord had something else planned for us right now. For those who don't already know, we have moved to Texas!

I can't explain the sadness that I felt not being able to complete the adoption process, but I believe the Lord has something else planned for us right now...maybe I was doing things like I normally tend to do, in Cheryl's time, instead of His time! Why I do that I have no idea, but I do know that since we've moved life has been really good. I don't know if we were just in need of change, or what exactly, but life is really good. My husband and I are getting along great. The girls are growing and Ella's potty trained (PTL!). Of course we miss our families, friends, and different things, but it seems as though we're supposed to be here. I can't explain it. I don't know what He has in store, but I can assure you I'm looking forward to it!

I can say one thing for sure, though, I love this weather so far!! It's so much warmer , I can see the sun! Woo Hoo!! We decided to move into an apartment to get to know the area better before we just jump in and buy a house. Mainly my concern, since I haven't completely made up my mind about how long I plan on homeschooling. So we wanted to get to know the area and people, about the schools, etc.

I just have to say I am amazed by this whole journey that the good Lord has put us on. I believe He has a purpose in bringing us down here, not exactly sure what that is yet, but I believe it could be something great!! I have a ton of stuff I could write about, but mainly wanted to give an update. The adoption is on hold...for now. We shall see where this journey takes us!

Our First Homestudy Meeting

Well over the weekend, Josh, Ella and myself ventured to Owensboro to have our first homestudy meeting with our really nice lady, Maria. To start off, we had a great time on the ride down there just talking about everything under the sun while little Ella-Bella slept the whole time (WOO-HOO!! No crying!). I always get nervous before stuff like this, you know, when you KNOW someone is there to judge you. Then the questions start in my head, am I really fit to be a mom to an adoptive child? Am I even a good mom now, because I don't feel like it all the time, of course I love my kids greatly, but I am human and make mistakes. Am I going to look like a fool because I don't know more than the legalities of everything? Well, I was thankful that Maria was so nice. She was very informative, of course, this was just an informational meeting about what we're getting into, but none the less, she was very informative, and sweet despite my many interruptions and ramblings. But gosh, this really means its for real, we are doing this, we've written our second big check, which in comparison to the soon to come isn't very big. After everything was over though, I really felt at peace, and I believe Josh did too about what we're getting ourselves into. When we were having a meeting, one of the bigger things Maria spoke about was the attachment/bonding with an adoptive child. I guess I never really thought of the child's perspective, how selfish of me!! I mean I knew it would be an adjustment for the child, but I know I'll love this child, because I love everybody, ok most people, but I didn't realize it could possibly take months for the bonding process!! I am so ignorant sometimes and live in my own little world!! Another thing that wasn't very comforting either, the age range that we picked, toddler, can be the hardest one so they say, but I don't think the Lord will give us anything we can't handle. We might struggle, but I know He will get us through all of it. I am excited, but nervous and trying not to focus much on the things to come until they get here, I know this will be a long wait. I just pray for direction and peace in the hard months, possible years to come, oh and for the magic dollar tree to start growing in my backyard!!

Zoe's Birthday

Well, my baby turned 7 on Monday, the 27th. What a sad and happy day all rolled into one! How can it be that my Zoe-girl is 7 years old? Why does life seem to go by so quickly the older you get? I've been really thinking about this a lot for the past week or so. I know that 7 isn't very old, but when I think about how fast these last 7 years have gone by, to think she'll be leaving me in about 11 years to go off to college, or to explore the world, that's pretty scary for me. That's why I understand so much more now why we should enjoy every moment, yesterday is gone and all we have is today. Tomorrow is never a given! I love you Zoe!!! I pray many, many, many more birthdays for you!!

Leoboi Orang'utu Kamweka

I recieved some really devasting news today. Our child we sponsor from Tanzania has passed on. He died from malaria last week, July 9th. I am so sad. I don't really have any other words. I know he is in a better place, but the selfish part of me was looking forward to recieving letters from him and pictures, hoping he would have a better life and know that he was loved by his other family on the other side of the world. He was only six years old. He had such a handsome face, I was hoping to get a picture of him with a smile on it, but I am sure he is smiling down from heaven. I miss him, you probably wonder how I can miss someone I've never met, but I do. I've been praying for him and loving him and his family since we saw his face, just a few short months ago. I knew he was the child I wanted to sponsor and Josh agreed as well. I just pray he knew we loved him. Maybe this was meant to be motivation to take more action for this dying world. Leoboi, you will forever be in my heart. I love you, I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, but you will not be forgotten.

A Great Poem I Found

I found this poem a couple of weeks ago and wanted to post, the actual author is unknown.

I want you to face the mountain
so that you can see,
when the mountain is out of the way
all there is left is Me.
Only I can move the mountain,
only I can push it away,
only I can conquer the problems
that you face today.
Your only job is to believe, to listen
to My voice,
and when you hear what I command,
obedience is your choice.
But I will not make it too difficult for the victory
is already Mine,
and I will fill you with My Spirit and through
you My grace will shine.
Not when you are perfect,
like you think you need to be,
but when your heart is willing to become more
and more like Me.
(New Day, New You, Meyer 2007)

Now its been so long since I've had to make a book reference I've probably done it wrong, but this was from my daily devotional. I thought the poem made so much sense, simple, but sincere. I mean, we're never going to be perfect, we can try all we want, but its never going to happen, because of what's happened already. I just thought this was great, because that's what I want for my life, is to have a heart like Jesus. And its a reminder that as long as I follow that path, the Lord will take care of the rest.

Airport and People

Ella and I went to the airport today to pick up Josh's best friend, Steve. Josh would've done it himself, but he was told late this afternoon that he had to report back to work at 2:00am this morning. I used to love going to the airport, I love watching people, there's so many emotions and cultures. I remember when we used to be able to watch the flights come and go right next to the planes. I miss that. But what's so interesting to me is just watching the huge range of emotions that people go through when they go to the airport. You see people crying when loved ones are leaving, people crying because their loved ones are back home. Its really a beautiful mix. But something that broke my heart while I was there was watching a serviceman getting ready to leave. Now I have no idea where he was going, but it really put things in perspective to me. I mean, these men and women protect US, all of us. Why shouldn't they get the credit and respect that they deserve?!! I hate when the media, or politicians speak poorly about descisions made by the politicians themselves. These people are the ones who pay the price for others actions. They deserve to be honored and given whatever they need as well as their families. I can't imagine what a military wife or mom, or dad for that matter goes through when their loved ones are leaving and their children, how hard it must be for them to understand that mommy or daddy is leaving for so long. It makes me more thankful for them for the sacrifices they make everyday for our country. I love you military people and THANK YOU for serving our country!!!